How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
