Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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