I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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