Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
