I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
