Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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