3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
