Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
