He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
then he tried to convert me to islam
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
