i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
