those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
