I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
