He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We have started to decorate penises.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
