i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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