Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
