Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
