Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
