I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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