TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
