I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She's like a pop up book from hell.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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