its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
