I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
