Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize