Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
