You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
