So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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