I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize