Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
