Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
