having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
