There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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