I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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