i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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