Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
