so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize