The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
