You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
