It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize