i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize