i jhust puked up my retainher.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize