my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
