you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
