i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
