I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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