he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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