The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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