My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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