So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
