Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
