You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
