if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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