I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
