saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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