OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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