i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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