You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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