Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
