Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
