Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
