Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
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