I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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