Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You are the jesus of drinking
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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