i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
