my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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