I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
