ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we're making bets on your personal life
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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