did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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