Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
