I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
