There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
