is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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