Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
