tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I can text with my tongue
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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