Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
