Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You had me at "let me see your balls"
you made out with another girl for some wings
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
