sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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