Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
