I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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