I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Farmville is her only friend.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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