She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
