i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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