Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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