I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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