He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
