So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
