All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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