is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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