Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The struggles of a small town man whore
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
