I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
