you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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