I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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