please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I want her autograph on my taint
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
