It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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