remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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