Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
