i think i have two assholes
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
