my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
