Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize