Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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