i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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