so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
