Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
