I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
