After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Sorry about my life...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
