the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
