You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
